is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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