There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
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i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
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I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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