I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
if only i could text you this smell
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
