My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
