Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
