so that wasnt chicken after all
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
