im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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