i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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