I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
