I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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