About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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