dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
