my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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