very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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