We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
