guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
