She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
