and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
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Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We had sex on a dog bed..
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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