it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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