Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
