it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
