U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
