Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
