She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
