and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
