We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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