Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
They have beer where we have blood.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."