Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle