Texts From Last Night

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  (260): View more from Indiana

  I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.

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  (260): I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay. http://tfl.nu/s74r
  Replies (27) Good night (1518) Bad night (4082)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there

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  (701): He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there http://tfl.nu/wgp9
  Replies (2) Good night (1024) Bad night (1900)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me

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  (845): I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me http://tfl.nu/ucgi
  Replies (4) Good night (2904) Bad night (1066)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.

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  (704): Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time. http://tfl.nu/8mlt
  Replies (6) Good night (3013) Bad night (1135)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Those were the highlights of my night.

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  (717): Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves. (717): Those were the highlights of my night. http://tfl.nu/jaow
  Replies (8) Good night (1940) Bad night (703)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.

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  (609): One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste. http://tfl.nu/4m50
  Replies (10) Good night (1049) Bad night (621)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out

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  (780): I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out http://tfl.nu/rcah
  Replies (2) Good night (1029) Bad night (454)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!

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  (512): Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?! http://tfl.nu/k4mm
  Replies (17) Good night (725) Bad night (3459)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.

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  (717): Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together. http://tfl.nu/4ceo
  Replies (6) Good night (1401) Bad night (420)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.

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  (330): Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together. http://tfl.nu/j4c1
  Replies (11) Good night (1429) Bad night (532)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??

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  (208): Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five?? http://tfl.nu/5sl1
  Replies (2) Good night (684) Bad night (318)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis

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  (306): I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis http://tfl.nu/jni6
  Replies (5) Good night (1104) Bad night (311)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.

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  (248): okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for. http://tfl.nu/81ty
  Replies (0) Good night (668) Bad night (266)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.

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  (541): If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience. http://tfl.nu/ojxm
  Replies (2) Good night (579) Bad night (239)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.

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  (801): Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done. http://tfl.nu/ys5o
  Replies (3) Good night (427) Bad night (242)

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