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Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
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