Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.