Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Perfect. Like where your heads at

  (906): View more from Michigan

  By relax I mean have sex

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  (906): Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow (248): Perfect. Like where your heads at (906) By relax I mean have sex http://tfl.nu/crtd
  Replies (2) Good night (2318) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small

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  (203): you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small http://tfl.nu/4mz5
  Replies (138) Good night (749) Bad night (4148)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.

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  (706): dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you. http://tfl.nu/te9j
  Replies (23) Good night (5975) Bad night (641)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Too much gin, very little bucket

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  (703): Too much gin, very little bucket http://tfl.nu/etvy
  Replies (14) Good night (945) Bad night (3763)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.

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  (303): you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it. http://tfl.nu/a3f5
  Replies (9) Good night (724) Bad night (4236)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.

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  (740): Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level. http://tfl.nu/r4mw
  Replies (21) Good night (4417) Bad night (746)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.

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  (602): So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better. http://tfl.nu/qcgw
  Replies (79) Good night (4004) Bad night (7712)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.

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  (907): You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn. http://tfl.nu/73y5
  Replies (6) Good night (2303) Bad night (1072)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.

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  (210): IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND. http://tfl.nu/ke4c
  Replies (21) Good night (2125) Bad night (510)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.

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  (613): He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time. http://tfl.nu/b5xq
  Replies (5) Good night (1156) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.

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  (989): I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed. http://tfl.nu/yar6
  Replies (1) Good night (405) Bad night (364)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?

  (1-480): View more from Arizona

  Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?

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  (480): Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me? (1-480): Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out? http://tfl.nu/ggfq
  Replies (1) Good night (562) Bad night (428)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".

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  (713): So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom". http://tfl.nu/chqv
  Replies (8) Good night (862) Bad night (316)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.

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  (480): And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold. http://tfl.nu/2ktu
  Replies (5) Good night (235) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.

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  (915): He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students. http://tfl.nu/u0iv
  Replies (1) Good night (209) Bad night (356)

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