My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here