Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.