My nipple is on Facebook.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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