You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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