I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
