If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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