My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My bed smells like the plague