I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
