I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
