but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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