it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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