You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
