Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
