Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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