Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
