I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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