I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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