i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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