Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
