he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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