I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize