Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
