Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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