i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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