Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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