I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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