Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Randomize