you guys were way drunker than both of me
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
