im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
