the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
