i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
