We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
