I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
