Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
