I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
