the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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