Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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