Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
