I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
then he tried to convert me to islam
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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