Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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