smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
