What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
