Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just gargled with NyQuil
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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