I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
