I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
