dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
