If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
porn star boner night. come get it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
