Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
