we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
