NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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